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On A Woman's Body	On Appearance	On Approaching Women
On Assumptions	On Being Direct	On Being Stood Up
On Breaking Up	On Gifts	On Love Has No Reasons
On Waiting	On Winning a Woman's Love	On Women
On Womens' Divine Knowledge

On Winning a Woman’s Love
Hong Kong 981211

Contrary to what many may believe, winning a woman’s love comes simply from loving her.

Love does not mean to give material gifts.
It is does not mean to give her her way.
It does not mean to live up to her expectations or dreams.
It does not mean to look physically perfect.
It does not mean giving them flowers.
It does not mean remembering their birthdays.

Love means, to some degree, to abide by their wavering.
It means to be persistent in attempting to understand them.
It means never deliberately trying to hurt them.
It means never purposely withholding affection or care.
It means not to be calculating but to be genuine.
It means to allow them room to be angry or upset.
It means to let them form their own conclusions.
It means to be a friend always as a basis for knowing each other.
It means never putting up barriers.
It means always leaving an open door and to be gracious enough to emphasize it is there.
Love is an inner quality which ultimately is not spoken, but manifests itself in thousands of ways, which may include speaking, loving, yelling.
Love means to let yourself go with your positive feelings, and to speak about your negative feelings when they arise, but to communicate them in the service of intimacy.

If the value of a lifetime could be measured by the single greatest act a person did, then everything expended to achieve it must have been worth it, no matter what the monetary costs or the amount of effort that was necessary to achieve it. If we look at love this way, then it should not matter how much trouble we go through for other people, provided that we can look back and say…that we love them. If we are to have generated real love in the world, then it would be from love which flowed easily from us—it can only pour forth in the right way if we accept our own deceits and humanisms, for then we love others unconditionally despite theirs. Love is maintaining a vision of beauty. The purity of that vision is commensurate to extent that it is unconditional.

On women, Generally
990417 New York

I still believe there is so little known about love, and I think there is something magical about real love, about real attraction, almost as if it is spiritual, induced from forces which are divine. It seems there is a dividing line between what people do to “follow” others (such as getting married because ‘it was time’, or ‘all my friends were doing it’ or ‘it seemed like the right thing to do’) and answering to a calling, like the love that gripped Romeo and Juliet. My French mountain climbing companions told me they call it “flash” in France. It is such a good word to describe what happens when there is a magic between people. I can certainly tell. I can feel when a woman is interested in me. They talk differently, they make me feel warm. There is an expectation about meeting them the next time, as if ‘what will happen?’ In some way, the consideration of sex becomes secondary, as if that might happen, but there is something else that is gripping me. It is the warmth, the delving into mystery. Like with Rose, there is something divine.

On being horny
I have been studying the effects of factors on my horniness, as follows:
Attractiveness of the partner I am with. This remains the single most critical factor in enjoyment of sex. Over the years I have developed a sense about what satisfies me. There are several factors to this: the physical appearance of a woman, her demeanor, the deeper sense of love, her technique. Sometimes the better looking woman is not better in bed, but on the other hand a homely woman, even if good in bed, cannot fulfill me completely.

My physical state
Beer: I was under the impression that beer (and alcohol generally) was a bad influence on my sexuality, but lately I have found that in fact it may not hurt me and may actually make me enjoy sex more. It depends on whether I eat and whether all the other factors are in place. For example with Queenie, every night I drank beer and really enjoyed fucking her. It seems that if I eat beef and drink beer, it optimizes my sexuality as far as intake of food and drink go. Too many sugary drinks sometimes helps but I think generally they are not good for my physiology.
Food: The main thing is that eating good food slowly and really enjoying meals is the main help to sex. Just stuffing my face can result in no good done. On the other hand, no food or only vegetables, seems to not be good for sex. A good piece of red meat, enjoyed slowly with a beer with some delightful accompaniments is probably a good bet for a pre-sex meal. Also, a good Chinese meal seems good. Once, I remember a good Chinese meal with ice cream worked wonderfully. In short, some food is better than no food, and good food is better than non-nutritional food, also, meat seems to do a better job than fish.

Tiredness I might divide tiredness into several varieties of tiredness. 1. True exhaustion. 2. Lack of sleep, 3. Being drained, and 4. A state of mind and body of sleeping while awake.
1. True exhaustion: It is uncanny that sometimes when I am really tired, sex is really great. Particularly when I stay up late and I accomplish a lot, meanwhile knowing a girl is sleeping in my bed, sometimes this can make me tremendously horny. Sometime for example, if I am very tired, sex can be great. But then if I get too much sleep thereafter, my whole body goes to sleep and I may not even feel like having sex even though I am more rested.
2. Lack of sleep: Waking up early is, oddly, an aphrodisiac. For example, if I have to wake up early and I have to be up all day, my body is craving sleep, and I want to be in bed. If I am craving being in bed, then if I have a companion to go to bed with, sex can be divine.

Weather Hot weather seems to detract from my sense of sexuality, but this may be because I am from a relatively cool climate. A moderate or cold climate probably is the best for me to enjoy sex.

Control Being in control turns me on. If I sense that I can do anything to a girl it is usually much better than if I sense that I cannot do this or that. I like to be totally mastering the situation.

Fantasy and concentration The more I can ‘find the area that itches’ in my mind and the more I can scratch it, the better it is.

In summary, great sex seems to be the confluence of certain conditions:
The state of mind which is floating and relaxed, when the mind is not fully aware or in control and in almost a dreamlike state of awakeness.
Attraction aesthetically for the other person is at a peak. This can be either because they are particularly beautiful or conditions make them seems so.
Lack of distractions, either external or because my state of mind makes it seem that nothing else is noticeable
The woman gives me a feeling that I can do anything I like, that she likes me sufficiently that she wishes not to be in control
Qualities of women that turn me on: a sexy moan—one that is feminine, soft movements, a sense that she will lay there until I have had my fill.

990216 Shanghai
On women’s divine knowledge

If you have ever felt that a woman’s behavior was incomprehensible, one way to analyze the situation is to recognize and apply the consideration that they have the capacity for ‘divine knowledge’ of all events. This is not to say women are ‘all-knowing’, nor that they are even aware of their power. Nor is this to say that this power is ever complete or verifiable. What I am saying, however, is that there is an element of truth to this. When you try to understand a woman and her behavior seems unfathomable, considering this actually helps to ground your thinking.

Examples:
If you are withholding something from a woman, she supposedly does not know about this thing. Even if she has no possible way of knowing your secret, she still is upset because she senses you have something you are not telling her. She senses this.
If you argue with a woman over the way she is treating you, knowing that she does not have any outward cause for complaint, you may prematurely say that she is unfair. If you analyze more deeply and consider the actual situation of your heart, is it true that she has no cause for complaint?
If everything in your heart seems ok to you, even if you love her, then if she is acting unhappy, this may seem truly incomprehensible. But if you consider the reality of the overall relationship in the context of ‘forever-ness’ (having children, raising your offspring together), then are her deepest womanly needs being truly satisfied?

If you analyze her behavior on a day-to-day plane (i.e., in the mode of ordinary thinking), then her behavior may ‘be’ illogical. But often times, this apparent lack of logic may only appear so because of the context in which it is being viewed. On a mundane plane (e.g., “I bought her a gift—she should be happy”; or another e.g., “I’ve given her everything, why is she still unhappy?”), her actions may seem incomprehensible. But on a divine plane (a state that transcends normal communication, one that answers the following question: If she could know everything as an all-knowing being would, what would she think then?), her actions may begin to fall in line with logic. In actuality, it may be our own ignorance of a higher plane that makes things incomprehensible. Looking at things from an‘eternal’ viewpoint can sometimes make things seem much more clear.

That is why:
When Shelly seemed to incomprehensibly detach herself from me, I was perplexed. After some struggle to understand, I took a step back and considered the actual situation, most of which she was not ‘supposed’ to know about. I had many other girlfriends. Perhaps more importantly, I had made a promise to have a baby with Cindy. Even though I love Shelly truly and greatly, from a divine standpoint, her own place in my life was being seriously compromised. I considered what could she do, even supposing that she was ‘meant for me.’ If our love was supposed to ‘go somewhere’, maybe have children, maybe get married some day, what did all this mean to that dream? Obviously, I had no right to expect her not to be upset on a ‘divine’ level, since she would know all this. In fact, I love her greatly, but I do these other things. I think in the long run I would like to have a family with Shelly, so that part of the relationship is true. I asked myself, what should she do if she did love me, under these circumstances? One way she could handle this would be to withdraw for a while. This would allow her to ‘save face’ if having a child with Cindy was to happen. If it happened when she was already broken up with me, then it could not offend the same way. Later, she could reconsider how she felt, and if ‘the coast was clear’ (if I was free to love in a more complete manner), then she could see me again, if she chose.

While all this is vastly theoretical, the point is not so much whether it is true or not! The point has more to do with the fact that this analysis grounded me in my thinking. Instead of blaming her for not sticking with me, I could feel more graceful about her ‘detachment.’ Of course, being able to handle things gracefully nearly always is beneficial. Usually if things are to be gained, grace will pave the way.

Another note: even though women have a very strong sense of intuition, they may be unaware of their own knowledge. That is to say, a woman may naturally respond to the intuitiveness granted by ‘divine knowledge’, but they may ultimately not be conscious of why they move the way they do. It is not premeditated, nor conspiratorial, but in its most basic sense, an honest response to the world as it is.

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